Ask Lianne
Here is your chance to pose your questions to her and get a female perspective about any questions you might have that you need advice for. Twice a month she'll respond to selected questions with her answers for you right here.
February 22, 2004
I am really shy and I dont have many friends and I dont ever get boy friends! How can I become more open to people especially guys, so they can see the true me? And how can I get a boyfriend and make more friends?
From: J
Lianne: I think your shyness comes from the way you compare yourself to others. I was horribly shy in high school, and it was because I thought everyone else was more important than me (the more confident someone is, the more important they seem) and also, I was afraid of saying something dumb and being laughed at.
So the first thing you should realize is: no one is above you. You are on the same level as everyone else. If you see everyone as your equal, they will give you that respect. One thing that bullies do really well is pick up on fear. If someone is insecure, they will see it as clearly as if it were written on your forehead. They will target you out, and that cause you to feel even more insecure. It's like a wicked cycle that drives you farther and farther down.
If you don't have confidence, fake it as well as you can. Hold your head up and look people in the eye. Talk more; force yourself if you have to, and don't leave yourself time to hesitate. Pretty soon you will see results and you won't have to fake it anymore.
The other thing you should realize is: if you say something dumb, who cares? Other people say dumb things all the time, and when you can laugh it off (after all, it's really no big deal!) then other people laugh it off and forget it in a second.
So once you realize that no one is above you, you will realize that guys are your equals too. They are only human and have insecurities and flaws just like everyone else. This realization will make it easier to talk to them. Once you talk to guys, you will get to know them, and chances are that they will like many things about you. One of my friends in high school got any guy she wanted. She had average looks but a great personality, and always had several guys chasing after her. I asked her how she did it, and she said, "Just talk to guys! They're people too!"
So try these three things: fake that confidence, know that no one is better than you, and when you see that opportunity to talk, say something! People will give you the respect you deserve and you'll be able to let your personality shine through.
Ms. Lianne, a very attractive co-worker of mine told me that she was taught to avoid "black men" because it will bring {shame} to her family. She is from Thailand. She was being abused by her boyfriend, a white American, and she stated that even an abusive white male is better than a good "black man". My question is, are people from the Pacific Rim and Asia minor countries raised to feel this way? Y.P. (my friend from Seoul) says yes - what do you say?
From: R. H. II
Lianne: Well, the only answer I can give you (without going out and conducting research) is from my experience. My mother came here from Taiwan at the age of 14 and my father (from Chinese descent) was born and raised in the U.S. Neither of them has ever cared what race my brother and I date. Whenever they met one of my dates or one of my brother's dates, they would mentally give each of them an equal chance. (Usually, my mother loved them all and my father said that they were all losers.) Therefore, race has never been an issue to us in relationships, and we've both freely dated people from several different races.
But from what I've heard, my parents' mentality is pretty rare in comparison to other Asian families. I don't know firsthand what goes on in those families, so keep in mind I am only giving you my opinion. I think part of it has to do with how much exposure people have had to other races. Many Asians may have more white friends than black, for example, so they don't think they can relate to black people. They have probably never taken the time to get to know a black person and realize that we all have the same fears, emotions, thoughts, feelings, and essentially we can be pretty much the same as someone who looks very different from us.
But I think the main reason why someone wouldn't want their child to marry outside of their race is because they are afraid their culture will be lost. They may fear that their grandchildren will be totally Americanized, and won't even look like them. Half of their genes will come from an "unfamiliar" race, so it may feel like these kids will be total strangers to them. If you think of it that way, you can kind of see where they are coming from. Unfortunately, by thinking this way, they are creating a gap between themselves and their own children and making themselves appear racist and/or ignorant to others. After all, this is America, and when a child grows up in this country, they are going to be American no matter what.
February 9, 2004
My friend is a complete geek and incredibly shy. What advice can you give to him to help him find women who will date him?
From: Trekker
Lianne: I think he should put himself in situations where he has to talk to lots of people. He can get a job where he needs to talk to customers, for example, or start his own project in which he needs to network with people. The best way to approach a girl is to just talk to her normally, without trying to pick up on her right away, and he can learn to do this first. He will get comfortable with talking to women, and this will break down some of the shyness. Then, he can go out and talk to women who have similar interests that he has. He could take classes where people work in groups, or he could join a club or organization. He should focus on the activity and just become friends with everyone. Once people get to know him, they will look past the geekiness and see the good qualities of the person inside. This could lead to many great opportunities. And whatever the outcome, he will still gain people skills which he can use when he meets someone special down the road.
Is the import model world really as glamourous as it is made out to be or do you all just get bored standing around at those car shows?
From: anonymous
Lianne: The import model world is almost never glamorous. The only times it can seem glamorous is when you are riding in a limo or getting special treatment because people know who you are. But for most girls it doesn't happen too often. 95% of us have regular day jobs because it is very hard to make money in this business. The car shows are fun for about the first hour, and then you get tired, but you have to keep that smile on for the cameras. Your feet hurt like crazy and you get hungry. Many times we don't sell as many 8x10's as we had hoped. And then there's that random 17-year old who tries to grab your ass while taking a picture with you. (Those guys will get a shove from me.) The first car show is very exciting, but after that, they all start to seem the same. Only the most motivated girls go to show after show. At first it's all about the attention. After that, it's about promoting yourself, and you have to be dedicated to do that. After all has been said and done, you just hope that you got your flyer to lots of people and that they will visit your website. And you look forward to seeing the coverage photos on different popular sites... and you hope that your eyes aren't closed in them.
What is the best thing a woman can do to her hair to keep herself looking beautiful?
From: anonymous
Lianne:Well, I can tell you what NOT to do. DON'T flat iron it all the time, and DON'T change the color over and over with home dye kits! Your hair will be fried either way, and it would be better to just chop it all off!
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Lianne grew up near Berkeley, California and went from a quiet and shy girl to a woman who is now a professional model, actress, photographer, artist, and hairstylist.
Find out more about Lianne here: www.liannelin.com
Photos used by permission courtesy of Lianne Lin (www.liannelin.com). Photos are copyrighted by Lianne Lin.