Ask Lianne
Here is your chance to pose your questions to her and get a female perspective about any questions you might have that you need advice for. She'll respond to selected questions with her answers for you right here.
December 10, 2004
I am in a stage of depression over a guy who broke my heart...what do you think I should do?
D.L.
First, you must get yourself in a more positive state of mind. Of course the first week will be the hardest. You will want to call him, but instead take some time to analyze the relationship you had with him. A breakup always hurts more when you are rejected, so you are probably focusing on how hurt you are rather than whether or not he was the right one for you. At this point you must listen to your brain rather than your heart, because your heart is not logical. Your heart will only tell you that you want to be loved, you are so hurt, you want him back in your life. But your brain will remind you of all the problems that you had, and tell you that you are better off without him. After all, there is no use hanging on to someone who doesn't feel the same way you do. Unless there was a misunderstanding, you can't do or say anything to change the way he feels. Don't be too hard on yourself. He is obviously not the one for you. Later, someone will come along who appreciates and loves you despite your humanly imperfections, and if you also accept and love him, then you have found your match.
After a while you will start to feel better. When you reach the point where you are ready to move on, you should concentrate on enriching your life. Delve into new things that you have always wanted to try, and over time it will boost your self confidence and make you feel like a productive, capable person who makes the most out of her abilities and talents.
I grew up extremely self conscious and insecure about myself. All through high school and college I would fall in love very easily and be very dependent on guys for feelings of self-worth. A few times I got so depressed over guys who dumped me that I had suicidal thoughts. I would never follow through with those thoughts, but the fact that they existed in my mind was bad enough.
Just recently, within the past year or two, I discovered my own self worth. Through following my dreams of modeling and photography I have gained experience, made new friends and earned self-respect along with the respect of others. For the first time in my life I can walk down the street feeling great, confident, like I can take the world by storm, because I am happy with myself. I also feel for the first time that I don't need a relationship the make me feel good or to make my life interesting. Sure, there are times when I want someone to cuddle and love, but I don't feel bad about it because I know the "one" will come when the time is right. When you are shining with confidence it is very easy to meet guys! For now, I am pursuing my interests, taking good care of myself and taking time out for fun with the girls. I am being very picky with guys because I will not settle for less, I feel I am worth it. Life is great! When I was down and depressed, I never thought I could feel this way. It may take time, but you can feel this way too. Take it from one who has been there.
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Lianne grew up near Berkeley, California and went from a quiet and shy girl to a woman who is now a professional model, actress, photographer, artist, and hairstylist.
Find out more about Lianne here: www.liannelin.com
Photos used by permission courtesy of Lianne Lin (www.liannelin.com). Photos are copyrighted by Lianne Lin.