Ask Lianne
Here is your chance to pose your questions to her and get a female perspective about any questions you might have that you need advice for. Twice a month she'll respond to selected questions with her answers for you right here.
August 6, 2004
Dear Lianne,
I have a question but it is not at all related to your site. My boyfriend always wants to have sex with me, but I have no interest in having sex with him. We used to all the time, and now it is hardly ever. I love him and what we had. How can I fix it? Is there something wrong with me?
Shannon
According to all my female friends who are married or live with their boyfriends, this happens to just about everyone, so there is definitely nothing unusual going on. Here are the main reasons for it that I can think of:
Reason 1: You live together
Couples who live together can see each other all the time, so for many women, the urgency to have sex is no longer there. They just think that they could have sex at any time, so why not do it later? The result is -- they hardly get around to it at all. When two people are not living together, they usually don't see each other all the time. When they are together they are excited to be together and give each other all of their attention. Being so tuned in to each other makes it easy to get in the mood for sex.
Reason 2: Women and men are different from each other!
Men, of course, love having sex as much as possible (due to raging testosterone), and most of them would be happy doing it every day. (They think about it all the time!) If men have an opportunity to have sex, they can forget about their worries and then feel better afterwards. Women have trouble forgetting what is bothering them. Many times there are a ton of things that are on their minds. If your man tries to initiate sex while you are in the middle of doing something, it can be very hard to get in the mood. If you are mad at him for any reason, it can be MUCH more difficult.
Reason 3: The "honeymoon" is over
After the honeymoon period (the first 1 - 3 months) of a relationship, the intense physical attraction and excitement kind of start to fizzle out. Love can keep the couple together, but they have to work on putting the "spark" back into their relationship. Married couples have to schedule days or times to have sex - this may seem lame, but I heard that it works. It makes the woman start to think about having sex, and she can put other things aside to make time for it.
Reason 4: Lack of foreplay
Make sure your man knows about foreplay. If he doesn't know how to get you in the mood, it definitely contributes to your problem. Experiment and find out what turns you on. Tell him exactly what you like.
Reason 5: Medication
Medication and/or birth control pills are known to decrease libido. You may want to change your birth control pill to one with less hormones. I also heard that women can take testosterone pills, certain herbs, or other kinds of libido-enhancing pills to "enhance" their sex life.
If those choices don't work out, you may want to try couples/sex therapy. Get a recommendation first, if you can, so you can find the doctor who is best for the two of you.
Dear Lianne,
I was wondering...How difficult is it for you to get modeling jobs as an Asian model? I once took modeling classes and even went to NYC for IMTA (International Model and Talent Association). I spent so much time, effort, and especially money. In the end, I got nothing out of it. :( Not even a single, local modeling job! Then again I'm only 5'3", and I may simply live in an area where they don't need (or want) Asian models. Though the funny thing was, I was one of the few Asians my agency had. I don't know...What do you think?
AspiringVirgo
I looked for IMTA online and saw that it is a money making scam that preys on people's modeling dreams. There are so many fake agencies and modeling schools that promise you a good chance at success, and people want it so badly that they pay a lot of money for it. I got ripped off as well right before I started modeling. A "modeling agency" came to San Jose to recruit models, and they ended up charging a total of $1,000 for a photo shoot and comp cards. The comp cards looked awful and i never got any jobs through these people.
After that fiasco, I looked online and found some photographers who were willing to do free photos (aka TFP's). I did a few shoots and sent the photos around to other photographers and websites. After talking to people in the industry, I found out that girls under 5'8" have an extremely hard time doing fashion modeling, so their best bet is to do glamour, promotional, or import modeling. (You can also audition to do commercials, print ads, videos, film, etc., but this can be very competitive.)
I started shooting with Asian lingerie sites, and built my own "glamour" website. After putting together a pretty good portfolio, and making appearances at import events, people started hiring me here and there for small photo shoots. It took a while for that to happen because people are only willing to pay models who are experienced and have great photos. But just by being on one great and popular site, you have a good chance at getting an offer for paid shoot. (These shoots usually don't pay too much - they are just individuals like you and I who own websites or just like to take pictures of hot girls. Some are perverts, so be careful!) The highest paid Asian models have posed in Playboy and/or do nude photos for their websites. That is the honest truth. But of course it is up to you how far you want to go.
Sign up with reputable agencies in your area to get opportunities for promotional work, where you interact with people and help promote a company or brand. It helps if you are very outgoing -- and if you do well at your first job, you will be hired for more. There are different kinds of promo jobs, from conferences and trade shows to local events and nightclubs. (I have done one alcohol promo, where I was told to flirt and talk with the men. I was paid relatively well, but decided it wasn't for me.) Remember -- a real agency will never ask you for money. They only take 15-20% of the amount you make from each job they find for you. They will also notify you of auditions for print, commercials, etc. that you are eligible for.
Good luck!
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Lianne grew up near Berkeley, California and went from a quiet and shy girl to a woman who is now a professional model, actress, photographer, artist, and hairstylist.
Find out more about Lianne here: www.liannelin.com
Photos used by permission courtesy of Lianne Lin (www.liannelin.com). Photos are copyrighted by Lianne Lin.