Self-Esteem and Insecurities
Recently, I was thinking about the point in my life where I went from a self-conscious, low self-esteemed person to someone who at least likes himself enough that he can go out without a jacket and at least, when I was single, date even! Geez, I was such a mess as a young kid. Not outwardly, I suppose, but inner self really wasn't happy. Probably the reason I didn't like the high school years very much.
I've always been a shy person since I was born. Not sure if that my was my disposition fresh out of the womb or if I was a product of upbringing and environment but whatever the case, I was extremely shy. That did NOT help me in high school where I was too shy for my own good and my self-esteem was at the all-time lowest in my life. I always wore a jacket at school, even on the hottest days in SF. I could be sweating like a pig but at school, I'd have a jacket on! Why? Because I was self-conscious about my body and how "thin" I was (when I graduated, I was 5'9" and 115 pounds).
I was so insecure then and could barely even call a girl by her name without having heart palpitations and body temperature go up like 10 degrees, causing me to perspire - the last thing you'd ever want. A simple calling back a gal on the phone was difficult because I would need to build up the courage just to dial ALL SEVEN digits (I'd get up to 6 most times and then hang up). Crazy. But that is what it was like.
By the time I was 26, that's when I realized that it was all really foolish. Part of the problem was the lack of confidence in myself. I had to like me and come to grips with all of the self-esteem issues and insecurities I had before I could even figure to get my life straight. It was an adventurous road to do that but after a few years, I could see improvements. I was not afraid to go out without a jacket, I was gaining weight (though by some standards, I may still be "thin") and I was becoming more comfortable with who I was and who I wanted to be.
Ultimately, I think that's the right path I took. I decided that I didn't want to be shy. I decided I didn't want to be insecure. And above all else, I decided that I didn't want to NOT like myself as a person. I'm glad I made that choice.
Reason I thought about all of this was because I've seen a number of friends who still have not traveled that road; who are scared to travel it; and who are desperately looking to get out of their current lives to find some overall life improvement. I just wanted to say that it can be done, though not always easy, the secret is within you. Insecurity and low self-esteem are not things you need to live with - it's up to you! Life is too short to not enjoy it.