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Guide to a Successful Personal Ad

Face it, the Internet has made personals less stigmatized than it has ever been in the past. People are meeting others thru the Internet and why not? The Internet is just a reflection of society and a way to communicate with people you may never have had the opportunity to meet had it not been for the common element of 'Da Net!'

But guys, you say you are feeling lonely and have a hard time meeting people to hang out with and possibly even (gasp) date? Well, why not turn to personal ads on the Internet? It can be adventurous, disappointing, exciting, fun, and may even lead to you finding a soulmate for life. After all, I found my wife on the net through a personal ad and I believe you can too!

Here are some tips from my own personal experience that can definitely help you get more responses:

  • Be different! The main problem that people seem to have with a personal ad is making themselves stand out. Ask yourself, "why would someone want to respond to this ad when there are hundreds of ads exactly the same?"
  • Learn from reading other ads. Be curious and take a look at the ads from your "competition." You'll soon find out that they are basically all the same. Nobody really cares if you like "moonlit dinners" or "walks on the beach" because, let's face it, who doesn't? The goal is to be different from the majority and be in the minority of the guys who actually DO get responses from women! My ad was averaging about 5 responses a week and usually 2 or 3 would be just women writing to compliment the ad.
  • Have a friend give you tips. Friends often know you better than you think. Have a friend write the ad for you and then edit it for your own personal touch. Or have a friend or two look at your ad and listen to their feedback. They may see things that you may not or give you a different perspective on how a woman may interpret the ad.
  • Make 'em laugh. Humor is incredibly attractive. I mean, how many of you really want someone with no sense of humor? Well, the same holds true for the people you are trying to get to respond. So, start off the ad with something funny. Not a joke, but perhaps a real life story (that's short) that you found funny. The story alone will tell more about you than any "I've got a great sense or humor, easy-going personality" line will ever say about you.
  • End the ad by inviting a response. No, I don't mean ending the ad with "hope you write" or "write soon." I mean, end with something that will promote a conversation. I asked them to "tell me three things that make you laugh or smile." That's much more inviting, don't you think?
  • Cast a wide net. You'll have the best success if you expand your criteria. Keep age limits fairly flexible. For me, I found that going down 7 years younger and going up 2 years older gave me a nice 10 year age range of potentials. Try to keep open minds on many criteria that you are willing to. If you absolutely have a preference only for a specific criteria, remember that you will significantly reduce the pool of potentials and may be missing the opportunity of a lifetime to find a great woman.
  • Photos. Limit the number of photos to 1 or 2. Too many photos aren't really necessary. Keep the photos to something simple and try to smile in the picture, or at least have a friendly look. Avoid pictures where you are barechested or whatnot as you'll probably get more laughs than responses. Have the picture of you up-close. Don't use pictures of you far away or next to your car or anything like that. After all, the woman is interested in what you look like and what you write.
  • Work in progress. Your ad should be considered a work in progress. Change it once a week, honing the words, until you find the perfect blend that gets you responses. My ad did not start off any different than most of the guys' ads out there but over time I did hone it, got advice from female friends, and constantly modified until I started seeing results.
  • Don't feel the need to jump into anything too quickly. I found that exchanging a few emails first and then moving to the telephone was a nice progression. It allowed both of us to find out if there was even anything there to grasp onto to take things into a personal meeting. I got good as weeding out those who weren't right for me (as friends or otherwise) without even the need to meet them. I mean, if you talk on the telephone and you are the only one asking questions, you can likely expect the same sort of thing when you meet in person. So, if you aren't into teeth-pulling like that, then save yourself the trouble of meeting in person.
  • Gut instincts. Listen to them. If you get the feeling that things aren't going to work out with the woman after emailing or talking on the phone, do the right thing and just end it there. Gut instincts are to be listened to. I often got in trouble when I didn't listen to them!

Now those are my tips to would-be guys seeking out Love through the personals. Your mileage may vary but I think they are great building blocks.

Here was my ad that got my wife to respond (along with my analysis):

    In this day and age of rolling blackouts, I'm looking for someone to brighten up my life. [this was in reference to current events which made the ad seem timely] In a time not long ago I was at my bestfriend's wedding and was seated at the "singles" table when I heard the best compliment. Someone at the table said "You're a really funny guy! You make me laugh! You're really cool!" Unfortunately, it was from another guy. :( [the funny, and true, story was the hook] So, I'm looking for someone adorably imperfect, 25-36, to share laughs and smiles with. [this is the part that came from a female friend] Is that you? [makes the ad feel like I'm talking to the reader] Hopefully you are mentally and emotionally stable, take care of yourself physically, are communicative, are confident in yourself, have a great sense of style, possess a great sense of humor (goofy/wacky a PLUS!) and an even better smile. [the matter of fact stuff that I was not willing to negotiate on, weeded out the women I would not want to go out with early on] I'm a 34 year old Chinese American male (can't speak a lick of Chinese though), 5'9", slender, native San Franciscan, down-to-earth, grounded, professional, stable (emotionally, mentally, and financially) outgoing with sometimes a slight streak of shyness in large group situations, always smiling (okay, maybe not always but at least 95% of the time) and confident but NOT cocky. I love everything from watching The Princess Bride to listening to the soulful music of Earth Wind & Fire, dining out (paticularly sushi), having small parties at my house, going to Disneyland to see Fantasmic!, outlet shopping (Napa anyone?), trying to cook (imitate?) something delicious I had in a restaurant (but not at Iron Chef level yet(?)), biking, hiking, and just plain laughing and smiling. [telling about myself in as non-formal a way as possible but giving small glimpses of what I'm about] If I had my druthers, I'd be sipping a hot Chai tea by candlelight wrapped up in a nice fleece blankie and listening to some cool r&b or jazz music. [this gives away some of my inner romantic sensibilities] Does this sound interesting to you? If so, write to me and tell me three things that make you laugh and smile. Also tell me what your favorite ice cream flavor is. Ice cream always puts a smile on my face, doesn't it put one on yours? [end with conversation starters that are non-threatening and unique]

Perhaps with these tips, you too can find true Love on the net. It's worth a shot. Just remember to be yourself and give the reader a reason to respond. Good luck.

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